Thanks to Miss Julia for her last post. That’s what inspired me to write this one. I got to thinking about the past and how many things could’ve turned out differently if certain things didn’t happen how they did. You know those “what if” questions and thoughts?
I potentially could have never existed if my father wouldn’t have had thyroid problems. He was drafted for the military but they didn’t take him because of that. Even though it’s a sucky problem to have I’m ever so grateful because he met my mom and had me! I don’t know if I’d be here had he gone off to fight in war.
If my dad’s first wife wouldn’t have cheated on him with her tennis instructor he never would’ve met my mom. I mean come on how cliche. My dad pays for you to have a private tennis instructor and you repay him by sleeping with him numerous times? Lady, this isn’t a Lifetime movie even though you did go psycho on my mom.
If my amazing childhood dog hadn’t died when she did I never would’ve gotten the little ball of fur cuddled up next to me in bed right now. Even though I couldn’t stop crying for weeks and swore I would never love another dog like I loved Lexi again, I made it through and love Ollie just as much.
That night my mom and I fought like crazy because she didn’t want me to drive out to Joel’s because it was an insanely bad snow storm but I did it anyway.
Ya it wasn’t my smartest choice but I’m also glad it happened. Because of that I learned to value everything so much more. Time is precious and there are WAY too many people who’s lives are cut way too short. I’m sure anyone who’s life was cut short was shaking their heads at me from heaven on this night. Be more careful with the time you are given. Why I was spared and others aren’t in this situation still baffles me but it looks like my job on Earth wasn’t finished yet. That saying people use “I saw my life flash before my eyes.” is so true. Except I didn’t see things in the past, I thought about everything I didn’t get to do. Well that and I heard Carrie Underwoods voice going “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEL. TAKE IT FROM MY HANDS!!” No joke that song sends chills up my spine everytime I hear it. Although my baby (meaning car, not an actual human baby) didn’t make it through this, I did. It was a good lesson learned. Listening to your mama is also a wise choice. They usually know best. After her shock wore off and I was fully recovered she gave me the very well deserved “I told you.” But she also blamed herself for giving into my bitch fit and letting me go. This was not in any way her fault. I was a love crazed teenager with a license for only 6 months. Not even that snow storm could’ve stopped me…until it did coming home from his house, obviously.
If I would’ve never let Joel into my life I’d be alot more trusting, sane, happy, open hearted, and I would’ve passed Spanish. BUT I did and I learned what real love feels like and had some of the happiest times I’ll probably ever have in my life. 4 years of my life was with him and I wouldn’t trade a day of it. Even the ones where I was crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe. He has been one of my best lessons in life. Now I know what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship. Plus I was never good at Spanish anyways.
If it weren’t working for the god awful Biggby Coffee in my hometown I never would’ve met my best friend in the entire world, Carrie Lippert. We HATED that job and our boss was an obese pig but we made the best of it. Especially when it was just us two on shifts 🙂 I thank God almost daily for that awful job. I couldn’t get through life without this woman.
These are just some of the moments that could’ve turned out so differently. Just by doing one simple thing differently or a minute later could change the outcome of something even bigger. Don’t look at things like regrets. I never regret anything. Any mistakes you make are just lessons to add to your book. Trust me, my book is already quite large. But that’s life, and I’m learning. Moments happen, literally everyday. Take the time to slow down and realize them. Never take anything for granted. Anytime you’re feeling down about something that has happened just try to find a lesson in it. It’s called the silver lining. If you can find that in even the most difficult of times and situations then you will live a better and happier life. That is something I’m sure of.
What if I wasn’t picked on by girls all throughout my years in school? Sure I probably wouldn’t have come home crying as much as I did but I also would’ve never become the strong, independent, take no shit, woman that I am today. All those girls did for me was make me a better person. And the best part is I’m doing better then them all now. Karma finds it way sooner or later. So this is my middle finger to all you Amy Krogman’s of the world. Sorry you felt so insecure that you needed to bring other people down. But thank you for showing me how good and strong of a person I am.
“Regrets and mistakes they are memories made.” – Thank you Adele for that one and how I will always think of Joel during that song. But again, it was a lesson learned.
How often do you think “what if?”
How do you feel about the word regret?